I've been sporadically replaying The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker for the past few weeks, a) because I've been convinced that it is the best Zelda game and b) because I cannot keep current due to 1) lack of funds and 2) lack of hardware and III) . . . wait, I've lost track of my lists . . . shit.
Anyway, as I've begun to near the end of the game, after much dillydallying (what else is the world of Hyrule for?), it occurs to me that this iteration gets yet another thing right where other games have failed: when you get the hookshot. More after the break.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Monday, November 26, 2012
Not A Skyfall Review
A word on Skyfall before I get into it. I liked it a lot. I seem not to be blown away as most others were. It was really good, but best James Bond movie yet? . . . I'm not so sure about. Casino Royale - THAT was a great Bond movie. Quantum of Solace was underwhelming at best (though I adamantly maintain that it was by no means a bad movie - just forgettable). And Skyfall was really, really good. But I left feeling . . . like I had missed something.
Nonetheless, I still support Daniel Craig as the best James Bond - note, I do not say he has the best movies, simply that he does the best job at playing the character. I know, I know: blasphemy, but I sometimes suspect that those who blindly worship Connery as the best Bond (note the word "blindly") are also the same kind of people who see Mad Men as a how-to guide to life.
But on to my main point after the jump:
Nonetheless, I still support Daniel Craig as the best James Bond - note, I do not say he has the best movies, simply that he does the best job at playing the character. I know, I know: blasphemy, but I sometimes suspect that those who blindly worship Connery as the best Bond (note the word "blindly") are also the same kind of people who see Mad Men as a how-to guide to life.
But on to my main point after the jump:
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Songs For A Movie That Has None - Or Doesn't Exist
So, I had a plan to write a post every week, and had one planned early for last week. It was an in-depth examination of one of my favorite movies, Clue, maybe specifically at the character of Mister Green and if he is a negative depiction of a homosexual (except he isn't gay in the third and supposedly real ending but - well, I'll get to that next week). Anyway, I lost my Clue DVD for the week and never got around to watching it with the blog post in mind. Hopefully next week, but here's this weekend's post. Oh, and I found the Clue DVD in the Venture Bros. DVD box so - that's a relief.
Obviously a lot of factors contribute to making a film good/memorable/worth watching/etc., and while I don't think I'd say that the soundtrack is an oft-overlooked feature (I really just wanted to say oft-overlooked), it's something that I don't think gets as much credit as it deserves. It's like the bass guitar. Or brass section.
Seriously: it's a scientific fact. Brass makes every song better.
Good moments in a movie (or TV show for that matter) can be turned into amazing moments all because of a well-chosen song. Some examples? Well, that all depends on what I can link from YouTube. Let's go look.
Oh, and before I start, I'm not a music person. When music people talk about music, they use big scary words like "ostinato" or "recitative" or "verse," and frankly, I think they sound pretentious when they drop those words so casually. I don't know those words and frankly don't care. So, when I describe the music, I'm going to use the incorrect terms. Fair warning.
Okay, there's this.
Granted, this is music that is actually in the scene - and I used to think that was called practical music, a la practical lighting, but I can't find the term anywhere so did I coin it? - so while it does punctuate and underline like music on screen is supposed to, it also takes a far more active role in the actual events being depicted. I don't know if that actually makes a difference, but it seems important to note.
Anyway, what a perfect song to choose. From slow to fast, creating that moment you probably see coming and are dreading, when Sam will no longer be able to slow dance (also known as easy dancing) and must try his ha- er, feet (heh) as fast dancing (also known as easy to fuck up dancing). All goes well, but the tempo-beat-ka-thingy changes at just the right moment, creating a few seconds of tension that immediately dissolve with relief.
The song makes the scene. Literally, in this case - which feels like cheating. I'm still not sure.
Really, it's called practical music, right? I hope so. I hope I'm not an idiot.
A good use of a Styx song (who thought THAT possible!? Actually, that was a fake joke, I really have no opinion on Styx). In fact, Freaks and Geeks - oh, that was the show you just watched a scene of. Didn't know that? Then you need to go get the DVDs and watch the series now. I'll wait. Freaks and Geeks has two iconic Styx moments. How wonderfully absurd.
Here's another expert use of a song. Be warned: it's one of those recording the TV clips on YouTube. It's the only one I could find.
Granted, more practical music. And almost any song could work here, so a tad interchangeable. I myself did the same thing to "Badlands" the other day and hurt my throat. But, still, how wonderful is this moment from Louie - throughout the rest of the show, there's a lot of anger and disgust at the world, but this is one of those moments where Louie is just thrilled about something. He's having an amazing time. Also, it is a good song choice because of its deviously placed "fuck." Seriously: who knew you could say 'fuck' in a song in - oh, 1978. Thought it was a tad older than that. Still, when I think of The Who, I don't think about it being inappropriate for regular ol' TV. Then again - eh, I won't get into it. We shouldn't be so prudish about our "foul" language is all. Though we should also be smart in how we use it. Look at Julia Louis Dreyfuss. She knows how to swear.
One more. Okay - this one's in two parts, and they cut right when it turns the scene awesome. So watch THIS first, then IMMEDIATELY watch the next one.
I'm just going to let that one speak for itself. It's not practical - well, it might be playing on Pete White's iPod, but during Brock's scene, it's not practical. And, yeah, it's a tad like that first clip in that the temporal-music-speedometer changes at a well timed moment, so I guess my variety's lacking, but - I mean, this scene would not have the weight without this perfect song playing.
There are a ton more examples (I'm not even to the main point of this post, by the way): the obligatorily referenced contrast of "Stuck In The Middle With You" and ear-separation in Reservoir Dogs, the scene where they're boarding the train in slow motion at the end of The Darjeeling Limited, the repeated "Sh-Boom" in Clue. All I'm saying is that having a scene that needs a song, and finding that just-right song is something I really appreciate in TV and movies - when done right.
Want a bad example? Want an example of what not to do? Go watch any preview. Literally any preview. I hate those songs. I get it - the cliched choices are shorthand for established bits of communication about the film. Like how sepia-tone automatically tells someone that a scene is old-timey or a flash back. It still annoys me. Previews. Not sepia-tone.
Huh - all my linked examples were TV shows and glossed over examples films. Weird.
Anyway, so, yeah, finding that right song for a scene you've already shot. That's a key element of movies.
Naturally, I have the exact opposite happen to me.
I listen to songs, and I come up with scenes. I have no idea what these scenes are contextually. I don't know what movie they'd be from. I have no idea who the characters are. But these scenes occur to me and the music is right because - well, it came first. Here's a list of some I've thought of. I'll link where I can, so you can hear the song if you don't know it. And yes, these scenes will be somewhat stock, scenes you may have seen (and maybe some of the songs have been used before too), but so far as I know, the combination of these songs and stock scenes hasn't been done yet (and lemme know if it has), and I want to see it happen.
Incidentally, you may notice the same handful of bands or albums. I lost a lot of my music when I lost my first laptop. My CDs were scratched. I started over. I buy one album a month (except for the last six months) and try to make it something I haven't owned before. And yes, I buy albums. I do not believe in downloading individual songs. Yes, maybe all I want is one song ("Home"), but I will download an entire album to get it. The album as a concept is something that we're losing, or have lost in some cases. I want it back.
Here we go, guys. Here we go.
"I'm So Bored With The U.S.A." - The Clash, The Clash
I see this going to a frantic "packing for a foreign vacation" scene/montage. Not frantic like the person's in trouble. Frantic like it's a spur of the moment decision and they just want to go before they change their minds. Listen to how that song starts. It's like an idea popping into your head. One that's too flighty, maybe a little abrupt, but you're gonna roll with it, damnit.
"Wishing Song" - The Airborne Toxic Event, Muppets: The Green Album
Ok, that's a link to a sampler on YouTube. So just click the screen and it'll play you a clip of the song. Or go buy the album. It's good. Even though it sounds different, here's the original version. And damn, I just watched it for the first time, and the context made it even sadder. Anyway, I see this working to a scene like that one up above with Brock running. Someone's running to stop something or stop someone from leaving or see someone as soon as possible. They probably start running suddenly after some stunning self-introspection event, like a realization that this woman matters and NOT the big promotion Johnson's been hinting at all month. Maybe the first half of the song is before they start running - cause you know once they start running, then it's all going to be okay. Of course, it'd probably fuck with audiences to not have it all be okay. And that'd be hilarious. Anyway, the person starts running when that second beat kicks in after the first verse. (Shit, I used the words)
"Cut-Out Witch" - Guided by Voices, Under The Bushes Under The Stars
Song has a very slow start, then picks up just a little bit at a time. I see a chase scene set to this. Like when it's just starting, maybe the person getting chased just kind of notices someone who might be following them. Something looks a little fishy. Every time that set of notes plays, they see someone else also looking fishy. Once the song really gets going, characters break into a chase. I know, a lot of running for these songs, but I guess songs work well with running because there's already a beat being set. But this song sounds paranoid and kind of uncertain. It's the raised eyebrow that someone has when they're thinking stuff like "Who is that guy walking at me" or "I don't think the nazis heard me say 'thank you' in english." This song has me looking over my shoulder.
"Artboat" - Guided by Voices, Devil Between My Toes (I can't find this one on YouTube - listen to a sample on iTunes . . . or here.)
Okay, really, GBV just needs to be in more movies. And be more recognized. This song gets a little nuts after a bit, but the beginning sounds so bleak. I picture a post-apocalyptic setting being established during it. Empty streets. Burned out buildings. Chunks of concrete in the road. Nobody at all around. No signs of life. You know - the good parts of I Am Legend.
"Do It Again" - Steely Dan, Can't Buy A Thrill
Nothing too specific here. Not so much a scene, but this ought to open a sequel some day. It would play over the opening credits. That opening beat says it's a leisurely stroll of a song because we already know these characters. We're here to join them again. They're practically our friends. Whenever an aspect of the song joins in, that's a credit appearing on screen. What's being shown? I don't know - landscape or a city or something. The setting. It's a relaxing, familiar song for a relaxing, familiar movie. On a side note, if I had a sitcom, "Any World" would be the theme song.
"Drink' Blunts" - mc chris, mc chris Goes To Hell
You know those establishing shots of a crazy party where everyone's acting immature, boozing, smoking, doing goofy things? This would work for one of those. It's got a back-and-forth feel to it. Like dancing maybe? (I thought I made it clear I don't dance). I realize that it's probably meant to be satirical. Mocking songs that are about drinking or partying, like that's a sufficient subject, like those stories that start with "Dude, I was so drunk . . . " Not that parties aren't good locations for stories, or even a good concept to talk about, but simply talking about drinking for its own sake is . . . silly. You're not in college anymore.
"Donna Everywhere" - Too Much Joy, Mutiny (The second song on that list)
This would go over an establishing shot of driving, where the song is real prominent, then when we cut to the goings-on in the car, it's quieter and on the radio. Background music. Practical, too. I think they do that kind of thing a lot in Dumb and Dumber. Obviously, this would be a road movie too. There's such a "everything's nice in the world" feel to the music (listen to the lyrics to find out why) that it would fit with driving. Driving with a purpose, where the journey's the point, not the destination (but that better be good too - if I get to Kennywood again and am told it's too busy, we're going home, like what happened to me when I was eight, I'll be pissed).
"Garageland" - The Clash, The Clash OR "A Salty Salute" - Guided By Voices, Alien Lanes.
Either one of these would end my movie. The first is a movie that ends abruptly. The second is one that has that last lingering shot as we pull up or something, telling the audience things are wrapped up and cue the credits. There'd be goofy credits to the first song, zipping around, cause that movie was light-hearted, and you wouldn't be too sure what emotions you were feeling for the movie that ends with the second song. Are you happy? Are you sad? Was it ambiguous? It's not depressing or something. Just kind of like, "Oh - that's the end. Well, did Jack Nicholson get his orders or not? (I'd link to the end of the movie I'm referencing, but I can't find it - and the best scene of the movie is inexplicably and inexpertly censored on youtube, so it's hardly worth it. It's The Last Detail, go watch it.)
So, that's all I got for now. To conclude, if you have not watched Freaks and Geeks, Louie, The Venture Bros. or The Last Detail, go do so now. For examples of movies that make wise decisions generally with their songs, see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Dumb and Dumber, Wet, Hot, American Summer, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas and . . . I mean, really, you should have already seen these. I'd write up a comprehensive list, but I don't think there's space. Tell you what - anytime you hear of a movie or TV show, just ask me, should you watch it. Yes or no. Arrested Development: yes. Glee: no. The Grey: yes. Men In Black III: No.
And because I've decided I like ripping off the moment of zen from The Daily Show, here's a clip - I mean, I'll steal the idea of a short video you should watch, but I won't steal the phrase.
This is by far one of my favorite scenes ever from The Venture Bros.
Obviously a lot of factors contribute to making a film good/memorable/worth watching/etc., and while I don't think I'd say that the soundtrack is an oft-overlooked feature (I really just wanted to say oft-overlooked), it's something that I don't think gets as much credit as it deserves. It's like the bass guitar. Or brass section.
Seriously: it's a scientific fact. Brass makes every song better.
Good moments in a movie (or TV show for that matter) can be turned into amazing moments all because of a well-chosen song. Some examples? Well, that all depends on what I can link from YouTube. Let's go look.
Oh, and before I start, I'm not a music person. When music people talk about music, they use big scary words like "ostinato" or "recitative" or "verse," and frankly, I think they sound pretentious when they drop those words so casually. I don't know those words and frankly don't care. So, when I describe the music, I'm going to use the incorrect terms. Fair warning.
Okay, there's this.
Granted, this is music that is actually in the scene - and I used to think that was called practical music, a la practical lighting, but I can't find the term anywhere so did I coin it? - so while it does punctuate and underline like music on screen is supposed to, it also takes a far more active role in the actual events being depicted. I don't know if that actually makes a difference, but it seems important to note.
Anyway, what a perfect song to choose. From slow to fast, creating that moment you probably see coming and are dreading, when Sam will no longer be able to slow dance (also known as easy dancing) and must try his ha- er, feet (heh) as fast dancing (also known as easy to fuck up dancing). All goes well, but the tempo-beat-ka-thingy changes at just the right moment, creating a few seconds of tension that immediately dissolve with relief.
The song makes the scene. Literally, in this case - which feels like cheating. I'm still not sure.
Really, it's called practical music, right? I hope so. I hope I'm not an idiot.
A good use of a Styx song (who thought THAT possible!? Actually, that was a fake joke, I really have no opinion on Styx). In fact, Freaks and Geeks - oh, that was the show you just watched a scene of. Didn't know that? Then you need to go get the DVDs and watch the series now. I'll wait. Freaks and Geeks has two iconic Styx moments. How wonderfully absurd.
Here's another expert use of a song. Be warned: it's one of those recording the TV clips on YouTube. It's the only one I could find.
Granted, more practical music. And almost any song could work here, so a tad interchangeable. I myself did the same thing to "Badlands" the other day and hurt my throat. But, still, how wonderful is this moment from Louie - throughout the rest of the show, there's a lot of anger and disgust at the world, but this is one of those moments where Louie is just thrilled about something. He's having an amazing time. Also, it is a good song choice because of its deviously placed "fuck." Seriously: who knew you could say 'fuck' in a song in - oh, 1978. Thought it was a tad older than that. Still, when I think of The Who, I don't think about it being inappropriate for regular ol' TV. Then again - eh, I won't get into it. We shouldn't be so prudish about our "foul" language is all. Though we should also be smart in how we use it. Look at Julia Louis Dreyfuss. She knows how to swear.
One more. Okay - this one's in two parts, and they cut right when it turns the scene awesome. So watch THIS first, then IMMEDIATELY watch the next one.
I'm just going to let that one speak for itself. It's not practical - well, it might be playing on Pete White's iPod, but during Brock's scene, it's not practical. And, yeah, it's a tad like that first clip in that the temporal-music-speedometer changes at a well timed moment, so I guess my variety's lacking, but - I mean, this scene would not have the weight without this perfect song playing.
There are a ton more examples (I'm not even to the main point of this post, by the way): the obligatorily referenced contrast of "Stuck In The Middle With You" and ear-separation in Reservoir Dogs, the scene where they're boarding the train in slow motion at the end of The Darjeeling Limited, the repeated "Sh-Boom" in Clue. All I'm saying is that having a scene that needs a song, and finding that just-right song is something I really appreciate in TV and movies - when done right.
Want a bad example? Want an example of what not to do? Go watch any preview. Literally any preview. I hate those songs. I get it - the cliched choices are shorthand for established bits of communication about the film. Like how sepia-tone automatically tells someone that a scene is old-timey or a flash back. It still annoys me. Previews. Not sepia-tone.
Huh - all my linked examples were TV shows and glossed over examples films. Weird.
Anyway, so, yeah, finding that right song for a scene you've already shot. That's a key element of movies.
Naturally, I have the exact opposite happen to me.
I listen to songs, and I come up with scenes. I have no idea what these scenes are contextually. I don't know what movie they'd be from. I have no idea who the characters are. But these scenes occur to me and the music is right because - well, it came first. Here's a list of some I've thought of. I'll link where I can, so you can hear the song if you don't know it. And yes, these scenes will be somewhat stock, scenes you may have seen (and maybe some of the songs have been used before too), but so far as I know, the combination of these songs and stock scenes hasn't been done yet (and lemme know if it has), and I want to see it happen.
Incidentally, you may notice the same handful of bands or albums. I lost a lot of my music when I lost my first laptop. My CDs were scratched. I started over. I buy one album a month (except for the last six months) and try to make it something I haven't owned before. And yes, I buy albums. I do not believe in downloading individual songs. Yes, maybe all I want is one song ("Home"), but I will download an entire album to get it. The album as a concept is something that we're losing, or have lost in some cases. I want it back.
Here we go, guys. Here we go.
"I'm So Bored With The U.S.A." - The Clash, The Clash
I see this going to a frantic "packing for a foreign vacation" scene/montage. Not frantic like the person's in trouble. Frantic like it's a spur of the moment decision and they just want to go before they change their minds. Listen to how that song starts. It's like an idea popping into your head. One that's too flighty, maybe a little abrupt, but you're gonna roll with it, damnit.
"Wishing Song" - The Airborne Toxic Event, Muppets: The Green Album
Ok, that's a link to a sampler on YouTube. So just click the screen and it'll play you a clip of the song. Or go buy the album. It's good. Even though it sounds different, here's the original version. And damn, I just watched it for the first time, and the context made it even sadder. Anyway, I see this working to a scene like that one up above with Brock running. Someone's running to stop something or stop someone from leaving or see someone as soon as possible. They probably start running suddenly after some stunning self-introspection event, like a realization that this woman matters and NOT the big promotion Johnson's been hinting at all month. Maybe the first half of the song is before they start running - cause you know once they start running, then it's all going to be okay. Of course, it'd probably fuck with audiences to not have it all be okay. And that'd be hilarious. Anyway, the person starts running when that second beat kicks in after the first verse. (Shit, I used the words)
"Cut-Out Witch" - Guided by Voices, Under The Bushes Under The Stars
Song has a very slow start, then picks up just a little bit at a time. I see a chase scene set to this. Like when it's just starting, maybe the person getting chased just kind of notices someone who might be following them. Something looks a little fishy. Every time that set of notes plays, they see someone else also looking fishy. Once the song really gets going, characters break into a chase. I know, a lot of running for these songs, but I guess songs work well with running because there's already a beat being set. But this song sounds paranoid and kind of uncertain. It's the raised eyebrow that someone has when they're thinking stuff like "Who is that guy walking at me" or "I don't think the nazis heard me say 'thank you' in english." This song has me looking over my shoulder.
"Artboat" - Guided by Voices, Devil Between My Toes (I can't find this one on YouTube - listen to a sample on iTunes . . . or here.)
Okay, really, GBV just needs to be in more movies. And be more recognized. This song gets a little nuts after a bit, but the beginning sounds so bleak. I picture a post-apocalyptic setting being established during it. Empty streets. Burned out buildings. Chunks of concrete in the road. Nobody at all around. No signs of life. You know - the good parts of I Am Legend.
"Do It Again" - Steely Dan, Can't Buy A Thrill
Nothing too specific here. Not so much a scene, but this ought to open a sequel some day. It would play over the opening credits. That opening beat says it's a leisurely stroll of a song because we already know these characters. We're here to join them again. They're practically our friends. Whenever an aspect of the song joins in, that's a credit appearing on screen. What's being shown? I don't know - landscape or a city or something. The setting. It's a relaxing, familiar song for a relaxing, familiar movie. On a side note, if I had a sitcom, "Any World" would be the theme song.
"Drink' Blunts" - mc chris, mc chris Goes To Hell
You know those establishing shots of a crazy party where everyone's acting immature, boozing, smoking, doing goofy things? This would work for one of those. It's got a back-and-forth feel to it. Like dancing maybe? (I thought I made it clear I don't dance). I realize that it's probably meant to be satirical. Mocking songs that are about drinking or partying, like that's a sufficient subject, like those stories that start with "Dude, I was so drunk . . . " Not that parties aren't good locations for stories, or even a good concept to talk about, but simply talking about drinking for its own sake is . . . silly. You're not in college anymore.
"Donna Everywhere" - Too Much Joy, Mutiny (The second song on that list)
This would go over an establishing shot of driving, where the song is real prominent, then when we cut to the goings-on in the car, it's quieter and on the radio. Background music. Practical, too. I think they do that kind of thing a lot in Dumb and Dumber. Obviously, this would be a road movie too. There's such a "everything's nice in the world" feel to the music (listen to the lyrics to find out why) that it would fit with driving. Driving with a purpose, where the journey's the point, not the destination (but that better be good too - if I get to Kennywood again and am told it's too busy, we're going home, like what happened to me when I was eight, I'll be pissed).
"Garageland" - The Clash, The Clash OR "A Salty Salute" - Guided By Voices, Alien Lanes.
Either one of these would end my movie. The first is a movie that ends abruptly. The second is one that has that last lingering shot as we pull up or something, telling the audience things are wrapped up and cue the credits. There'd be goofy credits to the first song, zipping around, cause that movie was light-hearted, and you wouldn't be too sure what emotions you were feeling for the movie that ends with the second song. Are you happy? Are you sad? Was it ambiguous? It's not depressing or something. Just kind of like, "Oh - that's the end. Well, did Jack Nicholson get his orders or not? (I'd link to the end of the movie I'm referencing, but I can't find it - and the best scene of the movie is inexplicably and inexpertly censored on youtube, so it's hardly worth it. It's The Last Detail, go watch it.)
So, that's all I got for now. To conclude, if you have not watched Freaks and Geeks, Louie, The Venture Bros. or The Last Detail, go do so now. For examples of movies that make wise decisions generally with their songs, see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Dumb and Dumber, Wet, Hot, American Summer, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas and . . . I mean, really, you should have already seen these. I'd write up a comprehensive list, but I don't think there's space. Tell you what - anytime you hear of a movie or TV show, just ask me, should you watch it. Yes or no. Arrested Development: yes. Glee: no. The Grey: yes. Men In Black III: No.
And because I've decided I like ripping off the moment of zen from The Daily Show, here's a clip - I mean, I'll steal the idea of a short video you should watch, but I won't steal the phrase.
This is by far one of my favorite scenes ever from The Venture Bros.
Friday, June 8, 2012
If They Make Them, I Will Play
Warning - this post is going to be incredibly nerdy, contain massive spoilers for age-old material, and is assuming knowledge of these materials.
So, I suppose I've got video games on the brain lately. It was only a year ago (or so) that I was introduced to the works of the Game Overthinker, Yahtzee, Extra Credits and similar videos, websites, etc. on the medium, so I'm rather new to reading about games and what they can accomplish artistically.
This post is not about those sorts of deep speculations.
See, I'm rather poor. Not in poverty or anything - I just don't have any "disposable income" for games or a "steady job" to get "disposable income" for games. I'll pick something up a few years down the line (thank you Amazon, and I'm eyeing you next Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 - only $14!), but usually cannot purchase games when they are first released. Hell, I had to make the decision to stick with Nintendo, system-wise, about a decade ago because there's no way I can afford more than one system.
Actually, I couldn't even afford the Wii - it was a very generous gift. And my Playstation 2 (that's right, 2) was a hand-me-down.
I guess my preliminary point here is that I am not on the cutting edge of the medium. I am behind, mired in the distant past, replaying old games, then periodically deleting my saved files so I have to play them all over again, occasionally getting a new game to wow me just like it wowed real gamers a few years earlier when it was released. So the idea of writing on something current in the industry is downright laughable and ridiculous for me to even try and accomplish.
But I could easily write about games that I wish they'd make.
Now, before I begin, keep in mind, I am out of the loop. It's entirely possible these games (or aspects of these games) have already been made / are being made / were made decades ago and I missed it. It's also a guarantee that these ideas are entirely unfeasible for production. Doesn't matter - as is usually what happens when I speculate, I'm King of Everything and say "To hell with reality; these games sound cool!"
To me.
So here's what I'd plop down fifty bucks for . . .
And again - Spoilers. And assumption of previous knowledge.
1. A Final Fantasy VI sequel
My wishes were almost made true when a Final Fantasy IV sequel (serialized for a slightly outrageous end price) was made for me to download onto my Wii. I've - uh - yet to finish it, but the amount that I played was more than satisfying. I loved the episodic way the story was told. I enjoyed the familiar, if slightly altered combat. I liked that the story actually went forward, and they didn't do some shitty "Cecil's early days" prequel that would have been entirely inconsequential.
My only beef is that they chose the SECOND best old-school Final Fantasy game. I'm not bashing FFIV - it introduced me to the series; I've played it countless times; I have a burning desire to use 'spoony bard' as an insult (though I'm always too embarrassed to do so). It's a wonderful game and I'm glad it got a sequel.
But Final Fantasy VI is the Empire to FFIV's Star Wars.
For anyone annoyed at my repeated use of acronyms - it gets very tiresome writing out Final Fantasy. Plus, the burden's on ME to not accidentally switch the 'V' and the 'I.' This could get very confusing.
FFVI is dark; it's sweeping; it's got one of the evilest (if incredibly motivation-less) villains. Really - Kefka is Final Fantasy's Joker (the Heath Ledger one). The world ends . . . HALF WAY THROUGH THE GAME. And it's got an enormous cast of characters who each have a complex back story. Yes, yes, FFIV had three dimensional characters too, but did you ever go meet FuSoYa's disapproving parents? Did Rydia ever have to go on a symbolic dream-journey to release her mother's spirit and memory to the afterlife? Did you ever find out about Yang's first love, who died tragically, before he settled down with his frying-pan-wielding wife? I love the characters of FFIV, and was more than happy to see them again in a new story (and to see Kain have an expanded role), but the guys I really want to revisit are the heroes of FFVI.
A few caveats: I'm aware that part of the appeal of FFVI is that the story ends with ambiguity. Do all the heroes make it out of Kefka's tower? Does the world survive the destruction of magic? Does Terra survive the destruction of magic (probably - she is on the airship at the end)?
Hmmm . . . I'm kinda worrying now that I'm misremembering FFVI and am instead remembering Secret of Mana - did they have the same basic plot? Whatever - no matter.
Anyway, the open ending was a perfect finish for a story whose ultimate moral was "Yeah, you're probably going to fail, chaos will most likely win out, but you have to try anyway." So, maybe a sequel would defeat that level of severity in the climax. Did they survive or didn't they? That's a key draw to the end of the game.
But maybe that uncertainty could continue on into the sequel. Remember halfway through the game when you wake up as Celes on a deserted island and are completely unsure where the rest of your party is. Maybe that could be the premise of the sequel. Except, whereas in the first game, you're pretty sure you're going to find your friends (eventually), in the second, maybe it's not so clear. Maybe some of them are dead (Gau).
Like most stories, FFVI deals with the battle, but not the clean-up. Maybe that's what this sequel's about. And to start, begin the character not with a naive protagonist off to see the world and discover what life's all about, but with a jaded, enigmatic assassin whose back story can unfold in more than random dream sequences. Yeah - Shadow. What if Shadow's on some massive job, and keeps running into his old friends (or finding their graves, or offspring). Maybe some of them join up, maybe not. Maybe he's not on some big job, but keeps hinting that he is, but really he's just trying to find Interceptor (his dog - I don't know why I clarified that of all my references to the game, but it seemed appropriate).
I've gone on too long about this one entry (I've got a few more), but it's a dream game of mine, though lest you think I've been building these ideas for a while - I haven't. I thought this all up while trying to fall asleep last night. Anyway, I'd buy that for a dollar is all I'm saying.
2. Princess Tomato update
So, back in the days of the NES, there was a little known "point-and-click" adventure called Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom. A silly game where you play Sir Cucumber out to rescue Princess Tomato. It was quirky, had some odd notions of humor, some incredibly vague puzzles that were sometimes maddening to figure out, and an aesthetic that was uncomfortably close to the Veggietales (whom I abhor, the indoctrinating bastards). Ok, really, the only similarity is that all the characters were based on fruits or vegetables. But still . . .
It's standard 'rescue the princess' fare, and to be honest, though I bought it for the Virtual Console about two years ago (oh, yes, it's available), I have yet to finish it on any of my attempted play throughs. Either the point-and-click stuff is too slow-moving for me these days, or my nostalgia-glasses are off and the game was never anything special.
And yet, part of me refuses to believe that. The game apparently has a cult following (what doesn't these days, though?) and it certainly stuck in my mind enough to look for it on Virtual Console. And usually the best material nags at you incessantly until you give in. So that's what I want - an updated Princess Tomato game. They did it with Kid Icarus. They've done it with big guns (Mario, Kirby, Link, Star Fox). Where's my Princess Tomato game?
What kind of game would it be? Obviously point-and-click won't fly anymore, but that Myst-sense of puzzle solving in an unhelpful world could remain. In this case, the world is populated by unhelpful, cryptic fuckers who call you pervert (seriously - I learned that word from this game - though that fact sounds worse than it actually is). Maybe it would be an Animal Crossing style game with a lot more direction. Maybe there's an online multiplayer aspect. Maybe you can build your own character (Sir Plantain for me). I clearly haven't thought this one out as much as the FFVI sequel - but that's just it. I can't figure out why this game had so much appeal, but it still does to me. So there's something there. Something quirky and obscure, but something nonetheless.
Unfortunately, the incredibly small cult following and overall bizarre atmosphere of the game ensures this remake scenario is entirely unlikely.
3. A Star Wars game where I fight a Skeleton-Rancor
That's awfully specific, and this may be a short, short entry, but seriously - how cool would that be? A rancor - but it's a skeleton too. Obviously reanimated with the Force, or the voodoo equivalent of the Force or something, but a SKELETON RANCOR.
Actually, Skeleton Rancor would make either a good band name. Or album name.
I dunno - they'd probably make it do some stupid dance though.
I've got nothing else on this one. Just . . . Skeleton Rancor.
4. Lego Doctor Who
I'm probably the only person over the age of 13 who has an undying love for the Lego video games. Lego Star Wars, Lego Indiana Jones, Lego Harry Potter, Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, Lego Batman - soon, Lego Lord of the Rings and Lego Batman Plus Other DC Characters.
The games are slightly repetitive, but unlike other franchises that release literally the same game over and over with updated weapons, rosters, etc., I get the sense that these games are actually just improving on the original model. That's kind of bullshit, but there has been marked improvement from the earliest to the latest one. Each seems to reconfigure its formula to fit the franchise it's playing off of (Hogwarts castle in Harry Potter Years 1-4 . . . only $14 dollars separates me from playing Years 5-7 . . . in particular is stunning). I don't know - I'm not here to defend the series. It's fun. It's easy. It's mindless in the right way (the Zen way). But what I really want is Lego Doctor Who.
Thoughts: instead of using the Force to build/rebuild things made of Legos (a la Lego Star Wars) you use your sonic screwdriver
When The Doctor regenerates, he merely switches Lego heads. Well . . . at first. Then he finds a new outfit.
Obviously, there's less emphasis on fighting as The Doctor does not fight. But he could disable Daleks with the screwdriver, stun Sontarans in the back of the neck, keep his eye on Weeping Angels . . . hmm . . . I forget how you defeat Cybermen. Nonetheless, there are plenty of ways to defeat the baddies without resorting to violence. And besides - only The Doctor can't resort to violence. What if you could play as The Master? Lightning hands!!
Each season would be a world with the usual five or six levels - yes, that would be more worlds than usual. If cuts were necessary, they could do one world for each Doctor (obviously I'm only referring to the series since 2005) - but imagine "Silence In The Library." Imagine "The Time of Angels." Imagine "42." Imagine all these great episodes as levels! They could be fun.
Again, since there's less emphasis on combat and brawling, the game would focus more on platforming and puzzle elements. I imagine something closer to the deserted island level of Lego Pirates of the Caribbean (the first movie section) - but that could still be fun.
The TARDIS is obviously the hub station in between levels.
Finally - Playing as River Song. You want fighting and shooting - well, you get her.
The only main issue is the 'finding a special power for every playable character' motif of the previous games. What would Rose's power be? I guess maybe she could find hidden graffiti and become Bad Wolf for a period of time - like the Mario Bros. Starman. But Martha? She could heal people, I guess - so could Rory. What would Donna do? Or Amy? These are all good characters, but I'm having trouble imagining how they'd translate effectively to a video game.
Anyway, just some thoughts. It'd never happen. These games are made based off established, massive franchises, and as big as Doctor Who may be in some quarters, I don't think it's on level with Star Wars or Batman. Still - I'd buy it.
5. Earthbound
Seriously, any form of Earthbound. Preferably a new one. Maybe the one that was already released in Japan (it wasn't released here, right?). Hell, I'd take a Virtual Console of the SNES game - I understand (though have not verified it) that there is copyright issues with the music, but - hell, did that hold up Wonder Years? Well, yes it did, but still, it's on Netflix Watch Instant NOW. They found a way around it. Now come on! My SNES is broken and I want to revisit the world of Mr. Saturn, or the Apple Kid, or Fuzzy Pickles and towns named after numbers, of bizarre rock'n'roll references and using a yo-yo as a weapon. Please, just give me something connected with Earthbound. That's all I ever wanted really. And Smash Bros. doesn't count.
So, nerdage is complete for the day. I know none of these is ever going to happen, but speculation is fun sometimes. And if any of these do exist in some form, by all means, let me know.
Until then, here's the closest thing I'll get to my Lego Doctor Who game . . .
So, I suppose I've got video games on the brain lately. It was only a year ago (or so) that I was introduced to the works of the Game Overthinker, Yahtzee, Extra Credits and similar videos, websites, etc. on the medium, so I'm rather new to reading about games and what they can accomplish artistically.
This post is not about those sorts of deep speculations.
See, I'm rather poor. Not in poverty or anything - I just don't have any "disposable income" for games or a "steady job" to get "disposable income" for games. I'll pick something up a few years down the line (thank you Amazon, and I'm eyeing you next Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 - only $14!), but usually cannot purchase games when they are first released. Hell, I had to make the decision to stick with Nintendo, system-wise, about a decade ago because there's no way I can afford more than one system.
Actually, I couldn't even afford the Wii - it was a very generous gift. And my Playstation 2 (that's right, 2) was a hand-me-down.
I guess my preliminary point here is that I am not on the cutting edge of the medium. I am behind, mired in the distant past, replaying old games, then periodically deleting my saved files so I have to play them all over again, occasionally getting a new game to wow me just like it wowed real gamers a few years earlier when it was released. So the idea of writing on something current in the industry is downright laughable and ridiculous for me to even try and accomplish.
But I could easily write about games that I wish they'd make.
Now, before I begin, keep in mind, I am out of the loop. It's entirely possible these games (or aspects of these games) have already been made / are being made / were made decades ago and I missed it. It's also a guarantee that these ideas are entirely unfeasible for production. Doesn't matter - as is usually what happens when I speculate, I'm King of Everything and say "To hell with reality; these games sound cool!"
To me.
So here's what I'd plop down fifty bucks for . . .
And again - Spoilers. And assumption of previous knowledge.
1. A Final Fantasy VI sequel
My wishes were almost made true when a Final Fantasy IV sequel (serialized for a slightly outrageous end price) was made for me to download onto my Wii. I've - uh - yet to finish it, but the amount that I played was more than satisfying. I loved the episodic way the story was told. I enjoyed the familiar, if slightly altered combat. I liked that the story actually went forward, and they didn't do some shitty "Cecil's early days" prequel that would have been entirely inconsequential.
My only beef is that they chose the SECOND best old-school Final Fantasy game. I'm not bashing FFIV - it introduced me to the series; I've played it countless times; I have a burning desire to use 'spoony bard' as an insult (though I'm always too embarrassed to do so). It's a wonderful game and I'm glad it got a sequel.
But Final Fantasy VI is the Empire to FFIV's Star Wars.
For anyone annoyed at my repeated use of acronyms - it gets very tiresome writing out Final Fantasy. Plus, the burden's on ME to not accidentally switch the 'V' and the 'I.' This could get very confusing.
FFVI is dark; it's sweeping; it's got one of the evilest (if incredibly motivation-less) villains. Really - Kefka is Final Fantasy's Joker (the Heath Ledger one). The world ends . . . HALF WAY THROUGH THE GAME. And it's got an enormous cast of characters who each have a complex back story. Yes, yes, FFIV had three dimensional characters too, but did you ever go meet FuSoYa's disapproving parents? Did Rydia ever have to go on a symbolic dream-journey to release her mother's spirit and memory to the afterlife? Did you ever find out about Yang's first love, who died tragically, before he settled down with his frying-pan-wielding wife? I love the characters of FFIV, and was more than happy to see them again in a new story (and to see Kain have an expanded role), but the guys I really want to revisit are the heroes of FFVI.
A few caveats: I'm aware that part of the appeal of FFVI is that the story ends with ambiguity. Do all the heroes make it out of Kefka's tower? Does the world survive the destruction of magic? Does Terra survive the destruction of magic (probably - she is on the airship at the end)?
Hmmm . . . I'm kinda worrying now that I'm misremembering FFVI and am instead remembering Secret of Mana - did they have the same basic plot? Whatever - no matter.
Anyway, the open ending was a perfect finish for a story whose ultimate moral was "Yeah, you're probably going to fail, chaos will most likely win out, but you have to try anyway." So, maybe a sequel would defeat that level of severity in the climax. Did they survive or didn't they? That's a key draw to the end of the game.
But maybe that uncertainty could continue on into the sequel. Remember halfway through the game when you wake up as Celes on a deserted island and are completely unsure where the rest of your party is. Maybe that could be the premise of the sequel. Except, whereas in the first game, you're pretty sure you're going to find your friends (eventually), in the second, maybe it's not so clear. Maybe some of them are dead (Gau).
Like most stories, FFVI deals with the battle, but not the clean-up. Maybe that's what this sequel's about. And to start, begin the character not with a naive protagonist off to see the world and discover what life's all about, but with a jaded, enigmatic assassin whose back story can unfold in more than random dream sequences. Yeah - Shadow. What if Shadow's on some massive job, and keeps running into his old friends (or finding their graves, or offspring). Maybe some of them join up, maybe not. Maybe he's not on some big job, but keeps hinting that he is, but really he's just trying to find Interceptor (his dog - I don't know why I clarified that of all my references to the game, but it seemed appropriate).
I've gone on too long about this one entry (I've got a few more), but it's a dream game of mine, though lest you think I've been building these ideas for a while - I haven't. I thought this all up while trying to fall asleep last night. Anyway, I'd buy that for a dollar is all I'm saying.
2. Princess Tomato update
So, back in the days of the NES, there was a little known "point-and-click" adventure called Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom. A silly game where you play Sir Cucumber out to rescue Princess Tomato. It was quirky, had some odd notions of humor, some incredibly vague puzzles that were sometimes maddening to figure out, and an aesthetic that was uncomfortably close to the Veggietales (whom I abhor, the indoctrinating bastards). Ok, really, the only similarity is that all the characters were based on fruits or vegetables. But still . . .
It's standard 'rescue the princess' fare, and to be honest, though I bought it for the Virtual Console about two years ago (oh, yes, it's available), I have yet to finish it on any of my attempted play throughs. Either the point-and-click stuff is too slow-moving for me these days, or my nostalgia-glasses are off and the game was never anything special.
And yet, part of me refuses to believe that. The game apparently has a cult following (what doesn't these days, though?) and it certainly stuck in my mind enough to look for it on Virtual Console. And usually the best material nags at you incessantly until you give in. So that's what I want - an updated Princess Tomato game. They did it with Kid Icarus. They've done it with big guns (Mario, Kirby, Link, Star Fox). Where's my Princess Tomato game?
What kind of game would it be? Obviously point-and-click won't fly anymore, but that Myst-sense of puzzle solving in an unhelpful world could remain. In this case, the world is populated by unhelpful, cryptic fuckers who call you pervert (seriously - I learned that word from this game - though that fact sounds worse than it actually is). Maybe it would be an Animal Crossing style game with a lot more direction. Maybe there's an online multiplayer aspect. Maybe you can build your own character (Sir Plantain for me). I clearly haven't thought this one out as much as the FFVI sequel - but that's just it. I can't figure out why this game had so much appeal, but it still does to me. So there's something there. Something quirky and obscure, but something nonetheless.
Unfortunately, the incredibly small cult following and overall bizarre atmosphere of the game ensures this remake scenario is entirely unlikely.
3. A Star Wars game where I fight a Skeleton-Rancor
That's awfully specific, and this may be a short, short entry, but seriously - how cool would that be? A rancor - but it's a skeleton too. Obviously reanimated with the Force, or the voodoo equivalent of the Force or something, but a SKELETON RANCOR.
Actually, Skeleton Rancor would make either a good band name. Or album name.
I dunno - they'd probably make it do some stupid dance though.
I've got nothing else on this one. Just . . . Skeleton Rancor.
4. Lego Doctor Who
I'm probably the only person over the age of 13 who has an undying love for the Lego video games. Lego Star Wars, Lego Indiana Jones, Lego Harry Potter, Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, Lego Batman - soon, Lego Lord of the Rings and Lego Batman Plus Other DC Characters.
The games are slightly repetitive, but unlike other franchises that release literally the same game over and over with updated weapons, rosters, etc., I get the sense that these games are actually just improving on the original model. That's kind of bullshit, but there has been marked improvement from the earliest to the latest one. Each seems to reconfigure its formula to fit the franchise it's playing off of (Hogwarts castle in Harry Potter Years 1-4 . . . only $14 dollars separates me from playing Years 5-7 . . . in particular is stunning). I don't know - I'm not here to defend the series. It's fun. It's easy. It's mindless in the right way (the Zen way). But what I really want is Lego Doctor Who.
Thoughts: instead of using the Force to build/rebuild things made of Legos (a la Lego Star Wars) you use your sonic screwdriver
When The Doctor regenerates, he merely switches Lego heads. Well . . . at first. Then he finds a new outfit.
Obviously, there's less emphasis on fighting as The Doctor does not fight. But he could disable Daleks with the screwdriver, stun Sontarans in the back of the neck, keep his eye on Weeping Angels . . . hmm . . . I forget how you defeat Cybermen. Nonetheless, there are plenty of ways to defeat the baddies without resorting to violence. And besides - only The Doctor can't resort to violence. What if you could play as The Master? Lightning hands!!
Each season would be a world with the usual five or six levels - yes, that would be more worlds than usual. If cuts were necessary, they could do one world for each Doctor (obviously I'm only referring to the series since 2005) - but imagine "Silence In The Library." Imagine "The Time of Angels." Imagine "42." Imagine all these great episodes as levels! They could be fun.
Again, since there's less emphasis on combat and brawling, the game would focus more on platforming and puzzle elements. I imagine something closer to the deserted island level of Lego Pirates of the Caribbean (the first movie section) - but that could still be fun.
The TARDIS is obviously the hub station in between levels.
Finally - Playing as River Song. You want fighting and shooting - well, you get her.
The only main issue is the 'finding a special power for every playable character' motif of the previous games. What would Rose's power be? I guess maybe she could find hidden graffiti and become Bad Wolf for a period of time - like the Mario Bros. Starman. But Martha? She could heal people, I guess - so could Rory. What would Donna do? Or Amy? These are all good characters, but I'm having trouble imagining how they'd translate effectively to a video game.
Anyway, just some thoughts. It'd never happen. These games are made based off established, massive franchises, and as big as Doctor Who may be in some quarters, I don't think it's on level with Star Wars or Batman. Still - I'd buy it.
5. Earthbound
Seriously, any form of Earthbound. Preferably a new one. Maybe the one that was already released in Japan (it wasn't released here, right?). Hell, I'd take a Virtual Console of the SNES game - I understand (though have not verified it) that there is copyright issues with the music, but - hell, did that hold up Wonder Years? Well, yes it did, but still, it's on Netflix Watch Instant NOW. They found a way around it. Now come on! My SNES is broken and I want to revisit the world of Mr. Saturn, or the Apple Kid, or Fuzzy Pickles and towns named after numbers, of bizarre rock'n'roll references and using a yo-yo as a weapon. Please, just give me something connected with Earthbound. That's all I ever wanted really. And Smash Bros. doesn't count.
So, nerdage is complete for the day. I know none of these is ever going to happen, but speculation is fun sometimes. And if any of these do exist in some form, by all means, let me know.
Until then, here's the closest thing I'll get to my Lego Doctor Who game . . .
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Don't Talk, Watch!
I'm going to talk about a topic that everyone has touched on - so it might seem like I'm just repeating what has been belabored more than beating a dead horse on top of a barn with a dead horse (because that's just impractical). But I really am trying to approach the topic in a new way. So . . . maybe instead of the disclaimer, I'll just launch into that new direction . . .
I need to start outlining.
Anyway - the internet is a contentious place. Well, the world is a contentious place, but the internet magnifies that vitriol the same way an empty whiskey glass magnifies a key clue in the newspaper photo in gumshoe stories (or just one . . . maybe). Even for the most reasonable of positions (NOT being a racist, NOT hating gay people) there are assuredly websites that disagree, that are racist or homophobic. I'd do some quick google research on that claim, but I don't need to go to the sewer to know it's filled with shit.
Some controversies that you may have never even heard of have some of the most intense debates over them - namely cat-declawing and the ending of Mass Effect 3.
You'd get to think that the internet cannot agree on single damn thing. Yes, there are even people who do not hate the Star Wars prequels. Well, kinda . . .
But there is one thing that, so far as I can tell, the entire internet agrees on. Talking in movie theaters.
No, I'm not going to go into horror stories about how this movie or that movie were ruined by rude guests. We all know those stories; we've all heard them; frankly, I'm sick of them. But I'd just like to marvel at this apparent show of startling solidarity. Granted, I only did a cursory google search (I do hate my research), but I have been unable to turn up any advocates who defend talking during the movies at the theater.
Were I a stupid man, I'd start to wonder if there were actually movie-goers who don't care about talking, texting, phone stuff, etc. But I've experienced annoying movie-goers. I just experienced a whole theater of them when I went to see The Hunger Games (Mt. Lebanon tweens are evil).
So, this leads me to two possible conclusions (though I'm sure there are more): those rude movie-goers who ignore the golden rule of silence either are completely unaware that what they are doing is uncouth or they are so reviled that they dare not speak their side of the story.
Believe me, I have no desire to defend the mouth-breathers frequenting the cinema with their cell-phones up full-volume. But it is curious that this seems to be an entirely one-sided argument in the public sphere of the internet, where everyfuckingthingelse has two sides, even if one side is batshit insane.
Just curious.
Anyway, just for fun, here's the clip I think should play before every movie. Regardless of rating.
Monday, April 2, 2012
A Day Unlike Any Other . . . Is Still A Month Away So This Should Tide Me Over For Now
I cannot wait for Avengers to hit theaters next month. I've already booked two viewings for that weekend - well, I haven't bought the tickets, necessarily, but I've arranged the theater trips in my head. I suspect I'll see it more times in the theater than any other movie (I hate admitting this but Revenge of the Sith is the move I've seen the most in theaters. I think five times? Maybe six). Speaking of Star Wars prequels, I'm more psyched for Avengers than I was for any of those.
Alas, I have to wait a terribly long month. So, what to do? What to do?
Well, what I AM doing is watching Avengers:Earth's Mightiest Heroes again on Netflix. It's a cartoon, yes, and it aired/airs on one of the multitude of Disney channels (you cut one off, two more spawn in its place), but I can assure you this show is amazing. People liken it to the X-Men show from the 90's. I say it's better - but that might just be because I prefer Avengers to X-Men.
Why is this show so good? For one, it's got a sense of humor. Upon meeting M.O.D.O.K. for the first time, Thor declares, in utter bafflement, "That is a very large head." He then likens the villain to "A frost giant's head on an infant's body." Hilarious. Introducing M.O.D.O.K. alone is a ballsy move. Simultaneously pointing out the ridiculousness of the character is an amusing take (and doing it without diminishing the threat).
What else? It draws from all sources. Sometimes it's like the movies, sometimes like the original run, sometimes like the Ultimates. This allows for a lot more freedom.
You know what stands out most to me though? It doesn't take a million years for origin stories. I'm not saying that it doesn't have episodes that deal with individual heroes before the Avengers are formed, no. The team doesn't really form until - like - episode 5.
What the show doesn't do, which I admire, is laboriously retell Iron Man's backstory or Captain America's. Sure, they might gloss over it briefly here and there, but it's short and sweet and never forestalls the action.
I hate origin stories. Well, not entirely true. Iron Man and Cap do actually have intriguing origins, and the movies handled them well. But now The Amazing Spiderman is doing the origin . . . again? Who, of the people going to see a Spiderman movie, doesn't know the basic origin? How much time does it take to tell? The Incredible Hulk, also a reboot (sorta) shot through the origin in the opening credits. Why not do that? Why retell a story that, hubris aside, isn't all that interesting (until you introduce the Ezekial "what came first the spider or the man or whatever it is" plot . . . but that requires so much more setup - and fuck the fanboys, JMS's run on Spiderman was amazing).
Anyway, my whole point is, I need my Avengers fix and this show, even upon second viewing, is more than helpful. Season 2 just started up this past Sunday, so there's that too. I suggest everyone checks it out.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Not A Hunger Games Review
Yes, yes, I'm sick of hearing about it already too. But as I sat watching The Hunger Games last Saturday, surrounded by the most annoying film audience I've ever been subjected to, I had some thoughts. Thoughts not so much about the movie, but thoughts about adaptations in general.
My opinion on the movie: poorly directed - or rather, sloppily directed, but otherwise decent. Let's take up a collection and buy Gary Ross a tripod for Catching Fire.
The main problem was that the movie tried to shoehorn in as much as it could from the book. It committed the same sins as the first two Harry Potter movies: a strict attention to plot and little else. I can certainly understand why. After all, you cut a favorite character and fans are horrified, not stopping to think that the character is utterly useless, at least in a film adaptation.
This is a big problem for adaptations, especially adaptations of works with an already large following. The people making these movies have to work extra hard, not just to please audiences in general, but the preexisting fans. Like a preexisting condition, these preexisting fans kind of botch the whole process (either intentionally or unintentionally).
And I think I have it narrowed down. For the most part, I would guess that most fans aren't going to see an adaptation of their favorite book. They're going to see people basically retell them the plot of their book. To act it out. A stage-reading, more or less.
I'm not trying to belittle the mindset because it's entirely understandable. If you grow to love characters from a book, it becomes atrocious to suggest changing them or altering their story. You're expecting the film to work hard to stick to the script, not be an enjoyable film on its own. Zeus forbid the director do something different with the material, cut stuff that needs cut, or bring their own ideas into the mix.
To be fair, sometimes this tinkering leads to a much worse project (see I Am Legend or Percy Jackson - I'm not writing out the entire title. Fuck you, Chris Columbus).
Actually, hold on - Chris Columbus has botched adaptations in both ways. I know the man wrote my favorite movie ever, but he brought a bland, paint-by-numbers pair of Harry Potter movies to the screen (I'm being harsher than I actually feel, but it sounds better to be harsh) and then inexplicably changed some great ideas from the Percy Jackson series with that debacle. That man just . . . he really just shouldn't direct. I'll give him the first two Home Alones, but that's it.
But yeah, it's okay to change stuff, but I understand getting prickly about changes too. Example: during The Two Towers, when Faramir says eff it, we're taking these hobbits to Osgiliath and turning the ring in, I had a little groan in my belly as I felt the film really leap the rails laid down by the books. But you know what - it made sense. Move Shelob to the third movie and have a halfway decent action scene at the city coupled with an awesome speech by Sam. Cut to Gollum's turning evil again and you end the second movie pretty well.
Ah, we're at the point where I've forgotten the point and hastily write off a conclusion, but let me see if I can salvage. I guess what I'm saying is that we need fewer safe adaptations. Adaptations that stand on their own as films, not adaptations. If fans are so blinded that they demand word for word recounts, then they can go find comfort in their books and stick to their imagination. If they can see through to a well done film that might differ from their vision, then all the better.
So far as good adaptations go . . . well, most feel lifeless and boring to me, partially because I've read the books and see little new that the movies are offering. I usually cite Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas as the greatest book-to-film adaptation (and it's remarkably faithful too: bonus points). Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban really nails the feel of the book while changing and omitting key aspects. Hell, The Shining changes tons from the book and is an amazing movie (though King is apparently not a fan). Still, overall, I think adaptations need to stop focusing solely on staying faithful to the plot and instead look at what will translate to film best and most efficiently. Then we might get some truly amazing works instead of stage readings.
Having said that, the tracker jacker scene was well done.
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