Don't Talk, Watch!

I'm going to talk about a topic that everyone has touched on - so it might seem like I'm just repeating what has been belabored more than beating a dead horse on top of a barn with a dead horse (because that's just impractical). But I really am trying to approach the topic in a new way. So . . . maybe instead of the disclaimer, I'll just launch into that new direction . . .

I need to start outlining.

Anyway - the internet is a contentious place. Well, the world is a contentious place, but the internet magnifies that vitriol the same way an empty whiskey glass magnifies a key clue in the newspaper photo in gumshoe stories (or just one . . . maybe). Even for the most reasonable of positions (NOT being a racist, NOT hating gay people) there are assuredly websites that disagree, that are racist or homophobic. I'd do some quick google research on that claim, but I don't need to go to the sewer to know it's filled with shit.

Some controversies that you may have never even heard of have some of the most intense debates over them - namely cat-declawing and the ending of Mass Effect 3.

You'd get to think that the internet cannot agree on single damn thing. Yes, there are even people who do not hate the Star Wars prequels. Well, kinda . . .

But there is one thing that, so far as I can tell, the entire internet agrees on. Talking in movie theaters.

No, I'm not going to go into horror stories about how this movie or that movie were ruined by rude guests. We all know those stories; we've all heard them; frankly, I'm sick of them. But I'd just like to marvel at this apparent show of startling solidarity. Granted, I only did a cursory google search (I do hate my research), but I have been unable to turn up any advocates who defend talking during the movies at the theater.

Were I a stupid man, I'd start to wonder if there were actually movie-goers who don't care about talking, texting, phone stuff, etc. But I've experienced annoying movie-goers. I just experienced a whole theater of them when I went to see The Hunger Games (Mt. Lebanon tweens are evil).

So, this leads me to two possible conclusions (though I'm sure there are more): those rude movie-goers who ignore the golden rule of silence either are completely unaware that what they are doing is uncouth or they are so reviled that they dare not speak their side of the story.

Believe me, I have no desire to defend the mouth-breathers frequenting the cinema with their cell-phones up full-volume. But it is curious that this seems to be an entirely one-sided argument in the public sphere of the internet, where everyfuckingthingelse has two sides, even if one side is batshit insane.

Just curious.

Anyway, just for fun, here's the clip I think should play before every movie. Regardless of rating.