It's about two fish. A father and a wayward son, you ask? No, I have no idea what you're talking about.
This movie is about a girl fish and a boy fish. The boy fish is shy and doesn't have the flashiest of scales. But he's a strong fish. Like Hulk strong? No, I mean inner self strong. You know, the boring kind of strong. His name is Sam N. Trautman.
The girl fish, well, she's actually the fish king's daughter. That's right, she's a fish princess. And she's BORED!!! She has to attend BORING royal fishy meetings and learn about her royal duties. And her dad's trying to marry her off to the local governor from two towns over, Barry Cuda. And he's gross and old and has a goatee (a fishtee?). The girl fish's name? Sheila Kant? (It's hard to write fish puns! Shut up! Just shut up! It's my movie!)
But ONE day, while swimming in her enormous collection of gold fish (a la Scrooge McDuck), Sheila finds herself in a part of the river or ocean or lake or whatever she has never seen. And alone! Gasp!
Luckily, after some hilarious misadventures where she acts like a royal bitch - uh, huh, I mean where she hilariously expects to be pampered in this rough part of town, she meets Sam. The two go on crazy adventures trying to get her back home, also dealing with the likes of Barry who wants to . . . Kill them or capture her or whatever. I don't know, he's a bad guy. That's why he does bad things.
An hour and a half later, they're about to reach the palace. They've made it! And Sam has won Sheila's heart along the way. Yay!!!
Until, before they can enter, Sam is caught by an otter and brutally devoured before Sheila's fishy, terrified eyes. Uh, Sheila probably gets eaten too. What an awful, evil otter! Oh, I hate that otter so much. He killed Sam and Sheila!
But wait! We're following the otter home. We learn a bit about this particular otter. His name is Otto (you had to have seen that coming). He's got to learn how to swim. An otter that can't swim! What an absurd idea! But we feel bad about him, so maybe he's NOT so evil.
Oh, look he's going to school. And he's smart! He knows a hundred ways to crack open shellfish! But, oh no, the other otters pick on him since he can't swim. They call him "Otto the Odder," which isn't very nice and wouldn't even make sense unless you were reading it.
One otter in particular, named . . . (shit) . . . Also Otto . . . For some . . . Reason, won't relent. He challenges Otto (the first one) to a race. Well, no problem, that shouldn't be . . . The race is in water!!! But Otto (the first one still, look, let's just call HIM Otto I and the bully Otto II) can't swim! We totally were caught off guard by that one.
Otto I is feeling pretty rotten about this until he stumbles upon an elderly otter trying to open a shellfish's shell. Otto I demonstrates many ways to do so and befriends the elderly otter, who coincidentally is named Otto the Third, or Otto III. Holy shit! (er) Wowzers! Otto the Third! He was a champion swimmer in the Otterlympics! Can HE train Otto I to swim? You bet he can!
A few days later, since learning a new skill doesn't take too long, Otto I wins the race and earns everyone's respect. He's JUST about to tell them to suck it, er, he's just about to say thanks for the applause . . . When a bear charges out of the woods and eats him!
Oh that evil, awful, mean ol' bear! But why're we following it back home? What about the otters!
Huh, so this bear is a girl bear. Ursula Miner. She's worried about her weight. Never mind that bears need the extra fat for winter. The other bears make fun of her! Wait, shit, we did the bully thing. Ok, how about . . .she wants to be a bear movie star but can't get an agent. Yeah, that's plausible. Because she's a fat old bear. Wait, she's not old. I mean, old as in . . . she's a fat bear, okay! Seeing her struggle with a legitimate health issue, we learn to sympathize. Otto who?
Oh no! But Ursula gets shot by a human hunter and stuffed. Fuck, that hunter's a dick.
Oh, but he has a family. And he feeds them with the bear meat. Ok, well, that's . . . Practical. And he's trying to connect with his son. The hunter's name? Uh . . . Hugh . . . Mann. Hugh Mann. His son's name? Joey. (his son may or may not be a kangaroo, it depends on if we can cast that kid from "Real Steel." Do you know his agent?)
But wait! The dad is infected with a deadly, incurable virus. And its fatal! He dies never connecting with his son. What an awful virus! What a stupid, jerky jerk, shithead vir-
The virus's name is Han Tavirus. He's trying to get a business going or something. Oh, we're rooting for that cute widdle virus now so - ah hell, Han is machine gunned by some mob connected Antibodies.
But one of them is named Ann Thibodaux and . . .
- Posted using my mind! Oooh woooo, ooooh weeeeoooohh!
The girl fish, well, she's actually the fish king's daughter. That's right, she's a fish princess. And she's BORED!!! She has to attend BORING royal fishy meetings and learn about her royal duties. And her dad's trying to marry her off to the local governor from two towns over, Barry Cuda. And he's gross and old and has a goatee (a fishtee?). The girl fish's name? Sheila Kant? (It's hard to write fish puns! Shut up! Just shut up! It's my movie!)
But ONE day, while swimming in her enormous collection of gold fish (a la Scrooge McDuck), Sheila finds herself in a part of the river or ocean or lake or whatever she has never seen. And alone! Gasp!
Luckily, after some hilarious misadventures where she acts like a royal bitch - uh, huh, I mean where she hilariously expects to be pampered in this rough part of town, she meets Sam. The two go on crazy adventures trying to get her back home, also dealing with the likes of Barry who wants to . . . Kill them or capture her or whatever. I don't know, he's a bad guy. That's why he does bad things.
An hour and a half later, they're about to reach the palace. They've made it! And Sam has won Sheila's heart along the way. Yay!!!
Until, before they can enter, Sam is caught by an otter and brutally devoured before Sheila's fishy, terrified eyes. Uh, Sheila probably gets eaten too. What an awful, evil otter! Oh, I hate that otter so much. He killed Sam and Sheila!
But wait! We're following the otter home. We learn a bit about this particular otter. His name is Otto (you had to have seen that coming). He's got to learn how to swim. An otter that can't swim! What an absurd idea! But we feel bad about him, so maybe he's NOT so evil.
Oh, look he's going to school. And he's smart! He knows a hundred ways to crack open shellfish! But, oh no, the other otters pick on him since he can't swim. They call him "Otto the Odder," which isn't very nice and wouldn't even make sense unless you were reading it.
One otter in particular, named . . . (shit) . . . Also Otto . . . For some . . . Reason, won't relent. He challenges Otto (the first one) to a race. Well, no problem, that shouldn't be . . . The race is in water!!! But Otto (the first one still, look, let's just call HIM Otto I and the bully Otto II) can't swim! We totally were caught off guard by that one.
Otto I is feeling pretty rotten about this until he stumbles upon an elderly otter trying to open a shellfish's shell. Otto I demonstrates many ways to do so and befriends the elderly otter, who coincidentally is named Otto the Third, or Otto III. Holy shit! (er) Wowzers! Otto the Third! He was a champion swimmer in the Otterlympics! Can HE train Otto I to swim? You bet he can!
A few days later, since learning a new skill doesn't take too long, Otto I wins the race and earns everyone's respect. He's JUST about to tell them to suck it, er, he's just about to say thanks for the applause . . . When a bear charges out of the woods and eats him!
Oh that evil, awful, mean ol' bear! But why're we following it back home? What about the otters!
Huh, so this bear is a girl bear. Ursula Miner. She's worried about her weight. Never mind that bears need the extra fat for winter. The other bears make fun of her! Wait, shit, we did the bully thing. Ok, how about . . .she wants to be a bear movie star but can't get an agent. Yeah, that's plausible. Because she's a fat old bear. Wait, she's not old. I mean, old as in . . . she's a fat bear, okay! Seeing her struggle with a legitimate health issue, we learn to sympathize. Otto who?
Oh no! But Ursula gets shot by a human hunter and stuffed. Fuck, that hunter's a dick.
Oh, but he has a family. And he feeds them with the bear meat. Ok, well, that's . . . Practical. And he's trying to connect with his son. The hunter's name? Uh . . . Hugh . . . Mann. Hugh Mann. His son's name? Joey. (his son may or may not be a kangaroo, it depends on if we can cast that kid from "Real Steel." Do you know his agent?)
But wait! The dad is infected with a deadly, incurable virus. And its fatal! He dies never connecting with his son. What an awful virus! What a stupid, jerky jerk, shithead vir-
The virus's name is Han Tavirus. He's trying to get a business going or something. Oh, we're rooting for that cute widdle virus now so - ah hell, Han is machine gunned by some mob connected Antibodies.
But one of them is named Ann Thibodaux and . . .
- Posted using my mind! Oooh woooo, ooooh weeeeoooohh!
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